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I have been close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome several hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her social circle vanished then, as they were only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, probably understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several of her friends vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, both of us retired so we're spending each other more, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I start subjects and she changes the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a trip to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. My intention was to provide advice, however, my input met with resistance. She purely solely sought my agreement with her plans. I've just come back from a month in that country and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she can comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation aiming for working things out demands strength and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, after all. The third step is to ask how the two of you will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. One effective method is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject your concerns, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they won't let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out this way and then think about what you've said. And even if you never reach a fix, it provides closure that you've been open and direct.